My Heart

I met the love of my life when I was 14. I knew at that time he was the love of my life, but he didn't. Michael and I first met when we were 14. Something attracted me to him. "My name is Crystal and I am going to be your new best friend" were my first words to him. I don't remember how it happened but I helped his mom with her Sunday School class and he always came with her.

He is IT for me. He has always been IT for me. Even when there was someone else after Michael and I went our separate ways, it was always very clear that Michael held my heart, my everything. No one could live up to what Michael was to me though one tried. And how I knew this at 14, I don't know. I guess you could say when I was younger, Michael was a bit of an obsession. But I loved him.

He and I went our separate ways when we were 17. My heart broke and it was like a piece of me went with him. A piece of me broke off and I searched for someone to take his place until I was 21. At 21, I had resolved myself that he wasn't replaceable and to try to find happiness where I could. I prayed to God to let me be happy just by myself. So, I chose to be alone. I knew, without a doubt, I wasn't going to find happiness with anyone else but myself.

When I was 22, on March 11, 2006, Michael and I found our way back together. I believe that God knew that he was it for me. He allowed me to grow as a person and not depend on someone for my happiness. When I was finally able to accept me for who I was and what happiness He and I could give me and myself, he allowed Michael and I to find each other.

It hasn't always been perfect or easy with Michael. Because of some of our history, I had some doubts to let go of. I had to realize that we weren't teenagers anymore and he wasn't going to disappear again. I would be riding down the road and just giggle and shake my head. I couldn't believe we were together again. And there are times, when I let myself, think how lucky I am to have him in my life again and how I JUST CANNOT BELIEVE IT. I had to let God do this in His time. I just never thought he and I would be together again. He's my best friend. 

And he's my heart. He's my love. He's my husband (he and I married October 17, 2009). He's who I will be with until each of us die. I know this as surely as I am sitting here breathing and as surely as I did almost 14 years ago (he and I started "dating" as teenagers October 14, 1997). I am so happy with them and he accepts me so fully as me. He is patient with me during my panic attacks. He's patient with me on the nights I can't sleep. He's patient with me when I am thinking I might die. He's it. God could not have made someone so perfect for me.

And I love him so completely. And I know he loves me.