Week in Review

First, let me say that I have had no panic attacks this week. I am still at the point to where I cannot think of the past panic attacks that I have had without feeling some level of anxiety. I am hoping that I can get to point to where I can think about them, can write about them, without feeling like I am going to repeat them. My goal is to go day by day without any panic attacks. The small feelings of anxiety, the small back in my mind what if questions are still there. I'm not sure they will ever go away. Knowing that any time my heart can go into atrial fibrillation and trigger my defibrillator is not a good thought for me...so I try my best not to think about that.

I have been sick this week and still am not feeling well so that has had an affect on me this week. I only worked Tuesday, Wednesday, and half of Thursday. I had to call in on Friday because I had a fever. I hate calling in because I hate sitting here all day by myself. The times that I am by myself are becoming easier but still aren't like they used to be. I used to LOVE to be by myself...not all the time but sometimes was good. Now, I have a hard time though I have gotten better. My dog Diesel keeps me company. Even though he's a dog, I feel like he can feel when I am not feeling right and sticks to me like glue. Other times, I think he knows that I am fine because he doesn't stick to me so closely. Today, he was everywhere I went. He is my baby and I don't what I ever did without him.

I am not sure I am going to church in the morning. Church is like a battery recharge for me each week. I go to listen to the pastor but I am more moved by the music. I know that God wants to be the one to move us and I believe that for me, it's done through music. However, tomorrow I am not sure I am going. Since I have been sick and had a fever, I don't want to get anyone else sick. I love Charles Stanley so I guess I will watch him in the morning.

Overall, even though I have been sick, any week that I don't have a panic attack, will be considered a good one.