And Things Were Going So Well....SON days

I thought everything was going okay. Sure, my panic attacks had returned but I was managing. And then yesterday happened. I was going into Staples after drinking an icy fruity drink. And there. My heart started doing it again. Read this to catch yourself up if needed. I'll wait.....

Finished?

Well, it wasn't THAT traumatic this time but it still wasn't as fun as couponing. While my defibrillator did not discharge, at any minute it could have. I thank God that it did not. My mom was about a hour and half away. My dad was about two hours away. Michael was working on a truck and about a hour away. I was by myself this time. But I wasn't. I know God was with me the whole time. I really could feel his presence around me, holding my hand, keeping me breathing, and letting my heart flutter and not go too fast. I have learned this time to rely on Him. Yes, I know that at any time he could have took his hands off my heart and allowed my defibrillator go off. I also know that at any time he could have set my heart right. This is happening to me for a reason. I don't know if it's is because he wants to draw me closer to him. I don't know if he has a purpose for my life that I haven't discovered. All I know is while I was by myself for those short 15 minutes, his presence surrounded me.

They have increased my medicines and I am scheduled for more doctor appointments. I will most definitely continue my counseling. I have already swallowed one panic attack today. Xanax will because my best friend again. And I know that God will be with me. I know he was here long before I was thought of. I know that he knew I would have these problems and he would have a purpose for my life. I just have to continue to seek Him to find that purpose.

This is a song that has meant a lot to me over the last couple of days. I hope it touches you too.

Arise My Love-SON days

When I was a teenager, my church had a youth leader named Brian. Brian was "hip" and in tune to how teenagers worshiped God. I miss him to this day for the coolness he portrayed. But during his time at my church, we did this "stick" drama, interpretive dance, whatever you want to call it. It was so powerful and so beautiful. This is the best one I can find. I also love this song. Praise God that He lives.

SON days

I am absolutely, totally, completely IN LOVE with this son. It touches my heart when I feel like I'm not good enough. I know that God loves me for me...I don't have to be someone else. I'm okay, just the way I am.

SON days

I love this song. It reminds me that no matter what we think of ourselves, no matter what others think of us, no matter what else happens, God has a purpose for our life.

SON days

This has been a rough weekend for me and my family. My husband's grandfather passed away on Thursday evening. This weekend has been spent with his family. I never really knew my dad's father and I wasn't really close with my mom's father. My grandparents are Michael's grandparents. I have known them all my life and I feel as if I have lost my grandfather.

SON days

I am still in the process of trying to figure out where I am going with my life and my relationship with God. I am praying about several things that I feel he is calling me to do. I was asked today to help with the GAs at the church. If you don't know what they are, let me explains. Girls in Action (GAs) are girls 9-12 (or somewhere around there) doing mission projects and learning more about God. I love teaching kids but I am not sure I'm the best role model for them. I guess the things I have been through would allow me to relate to them, lead them, but I am in no way a role model for them. I don't know. Pray about it is something I have always been told but I feel this is so contrite. But, I will. While I wait, I will pray about it. And hope God leads me in the way he wants to go.

SON days

LOVE- That is all.

SON days

 

The more I go through in my life, the more I rely on God to help me through it. I really love this song because it really does describe my relationship with God. I can't imagine what Job dealt with and how much he lost. AND HE STILL PRAISED GOD. May we all be like Job and praise God even in the rain. I always try to remember that even though I am going through this hard time, God has a reason for it. Whether the reason be to bring me closer to him or to be a witness to other people. There's a purpose. 

SON days

SON days

SON days

I absolutely love this song. I am in the process of searching for my purpose in my life. I am currently reading The Purpose Driven Life. I know that one of my purposes here is to help people. I have had two jobs (my last one and current one) that my primary purpose was to help people. Being a caseworker is not always emotionally easy but it is rewarding. My major in school was Psychology. I would love to go back and get my Masters in Counseling, specifically in substance abuse. I want to help people. Plain and simple.

SON days

I love the weekend. With a passion. Sunday is really my favorite weekend day. I go to church in the morning, sometimes eat with my dad, and come home and clean house. (I hate cleaning house but love when it's clean) During the week, I listen to christian radio but I really get a blessing listening to the music at the church I go to. Every Sunday, I hope to post a video of a praise song I love. Sometimes I will post the video and what it means to me and sometimes just the video and allow you to take your own message. Enjoy!

You Are My King by Newsboys