My First Panic Attack

When I was a teenager, I always had anxiety about being around a lot of people. I hated going to Walmart because I always felt like I was drowning. However, I never had, what I like to call, a full blown panic attack. I was always able to keep everything under control long enough to get what was needed and get out. 

October 15 I was getting ready to go to bed and started feeling my heart race. My mind went blank and all I could think about was dying (seriously). I screamed for my husband but because he was so tired from working that day, he did not hear me. Looking back on it now, knowing what I know now, I could feel fear welling up in me. But I only thought about my heart. It only lasted a few seconds, but I ran to get Michael (that should have been my first clue right there-if it had been my heart, my defibrillator would have discharged with the rapid movement). I told him I had to go to the ER right then because I was afraid of my defibrillator discharging. 

When I got to the ER, they hooked me up to a heart monitor. My heart was in normal rhythm with no problems. My heart rate did rise but it was because I had another panic attack. While it felt like it was going really really fast, in reality it was only going 120-130 beats a minute. (Keep in mind that my heart has the ability to go 250 beats per minute). Seeing the doctor took forever this time (because I was fine) but they did give me a Xanax to calm me down while I was waiting. While it did calm me down some, I still was very shaky. 

This was my first actual panic attack. I went on to have about 7-8 more. One time, I had one in my sleep. I called 911 and again I was fine. Another time, I was driving down the road. I began having a panic attack and called 911 again. Again, I was fine. 

I have learned to recognize the symptoms of a panic attack, what happens in the minutes before and the minutes after. Learning to recognize the symptoms have taken the scariness out of it all. 

My first step is to evaluate. Feel my heart beat..it may be fast but is it in normal rhythm? If yes, proceed to Step 2. My second step is to breathe. It sounds simple but really does make all the difference in the world. If I can get myself past these first two steps, I am fine. If not, I go to Step 3. My third step is to call my mom. My mother is wonderful at helping me get through panic attacks. She can ramble on about nothing and it really does help. My fourth step is to take a Xanax and pray. Because when all else fails, God and Xanax will do the trick.